Renting out our RV
When we decided to rent out our girl, DeLorean, we knew that not every renter would be the perfect renter. But little did we know we would meet a renter who was a literal, shit show…
About halfway through our summer rentals, we met Mr. Fecal smear. He had booked DeLorean 3 months ahead of time and seemed to know what he was about. I double checked the week prior to driving out which site I was delivering to and that it had a full hook up for him as he would be renting for 12 days. He assured me everything was all set…
When we arrived at the campground, I checked in looking to see the site prior to meeting him. I usually like to set up before the renter arrives so I can walk them through and leave. This campground, however, was not a campground like I’ve ever seen. It was the most backwards “campground”. RVS were parked all around each other, extension cords plugged into splitters, people obviously squatting at campsites, and in particular the site that I was supposed to be delivering to was already occupied… And did not have septic or water hook up…
I called Mr. Fecal Smear to ask maybe I had the wrong place. There was someone on the site he gave me and no hook up. He again assured me “oh no problem no problem.” After him wandering around he asked if I could reverse through a grove of trees to place our camper behind some other RVS and pull the extension cord through them for power. I said “yesss… but you won’t have water or septic.” Now is when things go weird.
When booking Mr. Fecal stated he would be staying with his wife and mother. He spoke as if they were just coming along after him, so I paid no mind. We finally got him all situated, and he should be good to go. He was a character, but we make no judgement, so we just explained a few times, the bathroom is a holding tank so you cannot be using it without any water and if he does use it there is only so much room. He said, “Oh no no there is a bathroom with showers right down the street.”
Okay to each his own and off we go.
Twelve days go by, and I check in the night before to confirm a time for us to pick up. 10 am which gives us enough time to rush back home and pick the kids up from school. Should be an easy pick up as nothing was hooked up or tanks to empty. When we get there. Mr. Fecal is alone. He is removing lots of items from the camper, but one at a time. I ask if there is anything he needs, “oh no, his wife has helped him empty things out.” Again, I look around for his wife or mother but do not see anyone. He continues to talk as if there is someone else with him. I ask where my dish towels are (that are very unique) and he tells me his wife might have packed them? But there is no wife there? Then we hear him vacuuming and what seems like removing more of his belongings. So, we back up and hook up the camper. An hour goes by and he’s still doing something inside the camper? Finally, I ask if again I can help with anything, or complete the walk through. When we go in its not as if anything has been cleaned so I’m not sure what he was doing for the past hour. Since we are in a rush, we say have a have a good day head home.
Terrible idea. We get home and I suggest we just check if the gray water is full as the camper seemed heavy pulling home. We pop the driveway septic cap thinking to let the line drain into it. Oh my gosh. The hose flies out of the tank and starts running all down the driveway. Since we expected it to be empty Igor pulled both valves. Shit everywhere. Igor runs down the driveway to put the septic hose back into the drain. Shit. So much shit. It continues to drain for minutes at a time. While this is happening, I think to go check inside the camper.
Shit.
He had used the toilet to the capacity that it had overflowed and sloshed all over my bathroom while driving. Shit. He had slept in every single bed while renting. Every. Bed. I went on a hunt for my sheets as sometimes people wrap them up with their things and they are all in a ball on one of the bunk beds. They are wet... and theres something smeared on them... Then I check the master bed. Something is smeared on that bed too. And everything is gone. He somehow grabbed the dish towels, towels, sheets, tablecloth, broom, even the salt rock night light (I mean come on not the night light). Needless to say, we will never forget Mr. Fecal Smear and his multiple personalities.